“Only 19, 6 months, 3 days young and he’s the first one since September to hit 7,126 balls, which equals the total number of days he has been alive.”
November 1st, 2022: nobody doesn’t know today’s date because it is the day after Halloween. Some of us had a lot of candy and beer last night, and the French apparently continued celebrating all day today too because the umpire was the only French person passing as sober. Still, even she slurred into “Seese” instead of “Six” in the English score translations, which are not really needed since everyone that understands English also understands French. As a result of the crowd’s ambitious drinking, it wasn’t clear if they knew which player they were rooting for; while remaining virtually steadfast in their support for “Hugo”, one of the loudest cheers came when their player did not convert an early match point in the second set. “Not drunk enough for match to end,” a hot mic picked up someone muttering (in French).
Another form of entertainment ensued when Rune, sporting one of sports’ most punchable faces, faulted like fifteen times in a row in a self-destruction more formidable than Brock’s most powerful onyx . However, paired with a drop shot that had Wawrinka clearly beat, the match remained competitive through the second set. On one of these occasions, Rune, sporting a hand clenched as compact as a fully hardened Geodude, looked over at his camp and released a witch-like cackle. His coach responded by coming to attention like a deer in headlights, resulting in the appearance of a fully erect mushroom.
I thought his name was “Roon” like “Runescape,” but the umpire kept repeating “Rune-ehh,” which I assume is correct based on how hot she was. I don’t speak Danish, but I do speak enough Greek to notice when they routinely butcher Tsitsipas’ name, “Sit Sit Pass.” I’ve been trying to bring this to the attention of @ESPN on Twitter, and hopefully with the new hostile Musk takeover, they will finally respond to reason.
In Pahkree, they don’t believe in having machines determine whether a ball is in or out, a job they (the machines) can do with 99.99% accuracy. Instead, Pahkrisians have humans make that call, who are out of practice, since they can’t ever practice, since no other city still does this. The formidable number of incorrect calls (all of which came at crucial moments) led to what seemed like a record number of corrections from the aforementioned distractingly good-looking umpire. I could see the media headlines as the game progressed, “Runehh, youngest player with most punchable face in a game repeatedly corrected by a hot ump since Alcaraz” (Hot Ump is a great band name BTW). Regardless, besides the fact they ruined some moments, I ended up liking the linesmen chosen. I like having the variation in cadence and loudness of the “out” calls. A shrill “out” barely leaks out of one of them, while a forceful “OUT” bellows from a man that I KNOW loves sniffing pots filled with meatballs. The man I picture is overweight, rocks a dark, bushy moustache, and sweats profusely at the thought of exercise on a mild autumn day.
Anyways, “Hugo” lost his second match point and Rune won HIS second in a match that could have gone either way leading into the tiebreak, which we assume, the French reluctantly enacted recently. The tiebreak, as we all know, is of great detriment to these 3 set Masters matches, where we would rather see the players duke it out for 24 games in the decider.
The French crowd cheered because they mistakenly thought Hugo Gaston won. Wawrinka had Rune tied up at the net for a long time after the match’s conclusion, talking about his cool outfit and asking whether or not Rune thought the umpire thought he was cute. “Yes!” Rune responded, “Yes!!” The camera zoomed in on a happy looking man with a “HUGO” shirt and then my stream abruptly ended. I immediately thought about the meatballs that linesman was going to eat later tonight.